Thursday, February 9, 2012

Swing, Swing

I think I am starting to catch up to my age.

I have always been an “old soul”. I did everything much younger than most, and I behaved and thought like someone much older than myself. I’m sure it started because my siblings are 9 and 12 years older than me, so I was mostly exposed to people older than myself.

I was always a few years ahead in school. I had my ‘rebellious’ stage of drinking and promiscuity in the 8th grade. I graduated at 16. I moved out on my own at 17. My best friend for the last 4 years was over 20 years older than me. I bought a house at 24.

I am about to turn 26, but have been a responsible on-my-own adult for almost 10 years.

I have always been ok and happy about that. It’s just me.

I think it’s starting to catch up to me. I find myself more and more now missing the feeling of being ‘young’. I want to go out, I want to dance and sometimes I even want to drink. I want to be able to act 26, but now I don’t have those kinds of friends. I am one of the very few people I know that doesn’t have young kids. My whole life I was always the first one of my age to do things. Now I’m looking at starting a family in my 30’s, when all my friends will have kids old enough to take care of themselves.

When I hang out with my friends now, I find that we spend more time saying “remember when?” than we do making new memories.

It just feels weird. I’m not used to it and I wanted to vent. I just heard a song that reminded me of the time when I used to be wild and care-free and it made me miss it more than usual.

Have you ever felt that way?

1 comment:

  1. I've often had that "old soul" feeling, but I'm fine with it and I don't have any desire to go crazy. I went through my wannabe-punk-rebel-chick phase when I was in high school, then started to dislike drinking and partying. It all seemed so empty to me. I had trouble meeting people who wanted to do anything except get drunk. I don't meant to sound uptight; I just want to do more with my life than that.